June 21, 2008

Down the Pan

Filed under: intro — Kim @ 4:35 pm

I’ve been sitting on this little story for a while, but as it’s been more than a year now since the “unfortunate event” I feel ready to let it out. Well, I’ve been the perpetrator of some truly clownish mishaps in my life so far, but this one is perhaps the worst. Just to set the scene, I should tell you that the wedding ring on my finger is not the first. One day about a year ago when I was living with my sister in law’s family, well, how can I put it…

Instructions Concerning How to Flush your Wedding Ring down the Loo

1 Take a big dump in a small asian bog and then use too much loo paper, so you
need to flush twice.

2 Flush once, then wash your hands with a good old fashioned bar of soap.

3 Get soap stuck under rim of wedding ring.

4 Take off wedding ring and run under tap, then get some loo paper and start
wiping off remaining soap. Leave ring inside the paper for no good reason.

5 Finish off washing your hands. Space out.

6 Realise that loo is ready for second flush and flush it.

7 Turn back to the sink and see some toilet paper lying around which you then
just have time to throw in the pan so the second flush takes it down.

8 Finish washing hands…dry hands and look for wedding ring. Look some
more. Get puzzled. Get worried. Stop, calm down. Replay previous
actions in mind. Reach step 7 then get sick feeling in pit of stomach.

9 Groan loudly in panic. Check pan to see if everything has gone down. It

10 Leave bathroom and explain to spouse and family that you have just
flushed expensive and treasured symbol of love and conjugal attachment down the pan.
Explain again slowly and put up with verbal remonstrations and shakings of head in

And the moral of the story is? Well, as any Chinese will tell you, it is quite obviously…”never flush paper down the toilet!” Use the little bin nearby. I should say that all this happened when I was relatively new to China. I always use the bin these days.

And my wife is still my wife. She was wise enough not to take my blunder as a symbolic act.

April 13, 2007

Why come to China?

Filed under: intro — Kim @ 2:01 pm

Forgive me… I haven’t explained myself to the occasional non-friend who may stumble upon this blog. I’m an English English teacher who’s lived and worked in Hungary, Japan, Thailand, England, and now in Dalian, North-East China. Why did I come to China? Well, like many a western man these days my significant other is from the east. We met in Tokyo and lived together in Thailand and England before coming to her home town of Dalian. Life seems good in this city and we will probably bring up our daughter here. So, a decade of Dalian beckons, more than likely, and that’s about how long I’m going to need to learn to speak and read Chinese.

My daughter is now 1 day old. Yes, she literally was born yesterday (April12) and is a bouncing eastwest baby girl.

But this blog is not the place for baby photos! Only adult content here.

April 11, 2007

Noodle Blog

Filed under: intro — Kim @ 4:14 pm

Hello everyone!

I am an English teacher in Dalian, North-East China. I am going to blog about my day2day life and about random topics that come to mind.

First of all here is an English teacher blog…

My students have funny English! Some of them make me laugh! One of them said the other day that they wanted to “apply a job” and I couldn’t help laughing when I had to tell her she meant “apply for a job”!!! Ha ha! And the shops around here have some great names! One of them has a sign above its door “Smoke Wine We Are Making Tea”. Ha ha!

People stare at me! People sure do spit a lot! Chinese is kinda tough to learn, but I am going to make a real effort to start learning it soon though! I have noticed that after 77 days here most of my foreign friends here get really cynical about China, but I want to keep my heart open for the Chinese to enter! It’s so cheap here! I had a bowl of noodles the other day for the equivalent of 20p! And they serve Donkey Dumplings at the place round the corner for next to nothing!

Well, it’s been a pleasure reaching out a blogging hand to shake with all of you, and here’s hoping those lackeys encharged with keeping out the filth from the glorious Middle Kingdom won’t block my brand spanking new innocent English teacher’s noodle blog.