December 25, 2007

Songs of the Fetid Season

Filed under: culture — Kim @ 11:14 am

Well, thank fuck the fetid season is nearly done for another year.

I have had Christmases in Japan, Thailand, and China now…but these non-Christian countries give no shelter from Yuletide idiocy. The tinselly decorative schmaltz is faintly annoying, but what really gets my goat is the accursed piped music in all the supermarkets. It’s not just a bad case of “Bah, humbug!”…I think I am becoming allergic to Xmas songs. I find it depressing and almost physically sickening to be forced to endure Frosty the Fucking Snowman and Rudolf the Shitfaced Reindeer etc etc every time I want to get some groceries in.

I keep myself sane by singing along to these songs with obscene ad lib lyrics of my own. Many of my students labour under the extremely misguided delusion that I am “an English gentleman”, yet could they but eavesdrop on my version of “Frosty the Snowman” as I stomp through my local Tescos, they would be promptly disabused.

If the spirit of Christmas ditties was personified it would look and act something like Cliff Richard…need I say more?

Cheesy, smarmy, maudlin, tasteless tacky tripe.

I am considering a stint in Saudi Arabia next December. Anyone who plays Xmas songs there presumably gets their head chopped off, which sounds about right to me.

Merry Christmas!


  1. Think it’s bad now? Try spending December working the counter at a department store. At least the other poor fools can leave after a few hours. I had to come back every day.

    Happy Festivus.

    Comment by Chris — December 25, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

  2. Hey, you ad lib Christmas lyrics for China too? Right on! I mean “brilliant!”

    Smoggy night, dirty night,
    All is Cak, all is tripe,
    Only virgin round here is a child,
    Garbage on sidewalk carelessly piled,
    Keeping heavily pissed
    Keeping heavily pissed

    Comment by Ernie — December 27, 2007 @ 5:05 am

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.